How to manage Expectations

A friend of mine went to a high-end car dealership to buy a luxury car. He chose the car he wanted, paid for it and took it home, proudly showing it to his family and friends. The following month, things start to go wrong. The car developed a funny noise, the wheels vibrated, the windows did not roll down all the way… the list went on. He took it back to the car dealership and immediately asked for a refund. Why did he not just ask them to repair the car? His expectations got in the way. Had the car been a second-hand, basic car he may well have given the dealership another chance.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the word “Expectation” means “belief that something will happen or be the case”. The key word here is “belief”. We are led to believe or we lead others to believe. Expectations are often the unstated needs that a person has, based on past experience, a word or a gesture, a hint or a wish. They appear quickly and take a long time to go away, if ever. The fastest and easiest way to create conflict between people is in not managing their expectations.

We rarely consciously think about expectations – either our own or others. They just happen. They are created either in others or in ourselves, and once they are there, they become our reality. They affect relationships, marriages, business contracts, projects and all aspects of everyday life. The following joke (cars seem to be a theme here!) sums it up: “While I was waiting in the auto repair shop for my car to be repaired recently, another customer came in looking a little frustrated. "Listen," the customer announced to the owner of the shop. "When I bought this premium battery six months ago you said it would be the last battery my car would ever need. It has already died after only six months!" The shop owner looked quite mortified. "I'm very sorry," he apologized. "I didn't think your car would last longer than that."

Expectations can make or break a relationship or a project. They can create happiness and fulfillment or sadness, anger and blame. We all take expectations for granted. We assume that others know what we want, but do not necessarily ask others what they want or expect in return. They are however often the primary measure of your success in a company, a role or a relationship.

So, what to do to avoid the problems that unmet expectations can cause?

1. Be clear about your own expectations to others.
2. Make a complete list, take the time up-front to talk about them, and be willing to discuss what you expect (and how realistic your expectations are).
3. Ask the other person what their expectations are. These could be expectations as to how a particular software should work, what there should be in a certain document or meeting, who is responsible for a certain activity, even who is going to do the shopping next week, or who will clear up after dinner.
4. Make sure the expectations are discussed and agreed on: The end result, the method to be used, the level of quality, and even the price to be paid.
5. Monitor expectations through time – they may change when you are not looking and you will be back to square one.
6. At the end, measure your success. Discuss with the other person what you achieved, and whether this was what they really had expected. You may still be surprised.

If you manage expectations well, you will be a big step ahead in keeping long-term relationships, succeeding in your projects and keeping yourself and others content.

Contact